gouging the market

After yesterday's comment from my girlfriend -- I think I'm bummed out today.  I spent my entire day completing the 6 month assessment for a client: interviewing him, calling his board & care, writing up treatment plans and goals, and notifying nursing about developments in his condition.  You see, he's schizophrenic.  And I'm just amazed that people would be kinder to him because "he can't control it" and then can turn around in the same breath and say, "but you can."

It can be lonely, mostly I just try to pass, in the sociological sense.  Can't imagine it would be difficult for others to see why, we now gather in our little meetups or have our own blogs (yeah, that would be my 5th).

It's on my mind because of yesterday, and then today one of the treatment centers in LA County sent out it's bi/tri/quad-annual e-newsletter, only to rub in the fact that their individual therapy sessions are egregiously expensive, which they can charge because they are the specialists in the ares; leaving the rest of us out in the cold.  This sector of my profession also disgusts me -- charging a lot not because of their experience or knowledge, but because they know there's no one else.  So, you're either going to go around with the label of "freak" or you'll bend over backwards to pay their $140/session fee.

Thanks, but chewing through a pack of gum per day when it gets really bad is still cheaper than your so-called sliding scale.

Always knew there was a reason for the cross-town rivalry, and, you, you just add to it.

Don't Look Now But Your Ignorance Is Showing

Girlfriend can call me a freak all she wants, but I won't play tit-for-tat.  It's petty, and I'm tired of that crap.  When you've had a disorder for more than 15 years that psychology still doesn't fully understand, doesn't study, and then has the nerve to demand clients educate their therapists about it, well, maybe you just sort of let it go; let it roll off your back.  Heck, I'm fully functional, and you wouldn't know it unless I told you.  And you still don't know it, do you?

I'm doing better, but I still have to work at addressing the problem.

One of those days ....

It's just one of those days when your coping mechanism runs out, in this case a pack of chewing gum. I bought it on friday, and somehow it lasted me the weekend.

Now though, I don't have any gum and I've long since quit biting my nails ... so I'm left with all this tension because I refuse to give in ..... okay, so I give in every half hour or so ... but that's still progress. On the other hand, the longer I hold out, the more likely I am to resort to other things like skin picking, scratching, or digging my nails into my palms. All because I only learned one behavior modification technique five years ago when I quit therapy.

I should have bought gum at lunch time.

I thought I had one piece left.

Normally I'd just go at it, but there's lots more people around me than I usually allow there to be when I do it. I mean, there's a difference to being in the center of the room and visible from the line of people waiting for a computer than there is to being tucked in a corner or against the wall so people can't see me as well.

If this is what one day is like, then October 1-7th is gonna be the pits. I don't know if I can go a whole week like this, but then maybe I'd actually remember to buy gum.

The tension from my homework is kind of gone now because I've replaced it with tension and a sense of powerlessness since I don't have my chewing gum.

Honestly, you don't know how I feel. Yet, these people do.