High Price for Vocation

I'm approxiamately 2 weeks away from submitting my application for entrance to the Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist. I'm waiting to set up a time with my Spiritual Director to review it and get the physical exam done as well.

After that, I can send it in.

Of course, there's a but to be expected. I know that if God can handle my salvation, He can handle $46,700 in student loans.

I know of two resources:

• the Laboure Society
• Mater Ecclesiae Fund for Vocations

But are there others? Are there certain patron Saints I could appeal to?

primal

I am David is a film that I had never heard of until last night, and I think it's an unfortunate circumstance as it appears to be a film that many people should watch. It's not a film that society would expect to see in its theatres next to the likes of Pitt, Diaz, or any other of the major films that are expensive, quickly made and sold.

But I'm not writing a book review here. I'm still processing and reacting to it, thinking over the lines that I heard and liked the most. They're not pretty lines. They're not poetic, or uttered in a field of flowers. The lines are of a little boy, growing up in a communist prisoner camp his whole life, simply saying that he's scared, but doesn't want to be so any more. It's uttered in the bunker, where mattresses are a faintly remembered fantasy, clothing is gray with dirt, brown with mud and likely shed blood from being beaten. Clothes don't fit well, they're taken off of somebody's who was killed by the guards.

The little boy says he doesn't want to be scared anymore, but the adults around don't have the same ability. They knew life before the camp, before the pain, the beatings, the blood, the fear, they knew goodness existed. This little boy didn't know what "good" was, but he knew there was something other than evil.

Do we sense that goodness exists, expect something different, even if only we know badness? Is that a sense of the Divine, of the Holy Spirit telling us about Home? Has God planted, grafted into us a sense of Him and are we only able to know that faintly remembered fantasy if we've been immersed in the pain and known nothing else?

Just think about the heavy simplicity of the statement "I'm scared." We're okay with the words if its a kid reacting to the dark or a nightmare, but what of it when adults say it? What do those words mean when adults, grown-ups, say "I'm scared." They don't shout it, they don't say it at all. They whisper it, in wavery voices, as though they're even more scared of the idea of someone, something else knowing, that they are afraid of something. Why doesn't saying that you're afraid carry the same weight as saying one is scared? What's so primal about it? What's so fearsome about it?

Why does it echo in my head?

"I'm scared. I don't want to be scared anymore."

Maranatha

let It cry
let It mourn
let It holler out
up, towards the Heavens
Home
allow thy Soul
direct forward natural Soul
Godly Soul
cry out
reach toward its Wholeness
thy Lord
plead with thy Beloved
Come!
cry, Come
holler, Come
Plead.
Beg.
Pine.
Yearn.
Ache.
Marantha!

(c) M. Singer 2008

Fight FOCA

There is a terrible piece of legislation called "The Freedom of Choice Act" (FOCA).

FOCA would establish the right to abortion as a fundamental right (like the right to free speech) and wipe away every restriction on abortion nationwide.

It will eradicate state and federal abortion laws the majority of Americans support and prevent states from enacting protective measures in the future.

FOCA will do away with state laws on parental involvement, on partial-birth abortion, and on all other protections.

FOCA will compel taxpayer funding of abortions.

FOCA will force faith-based hospitals and healthcare facilities to perform abortions.

Please read the expert analysis by Americans United for Life (AUL) and sign the Fight FOCA petition at: http://www.FightFOCA.com

Excerpted from my SMME entrance application:

I want to enter the SMMEs for a few reasons. The first year of my discernment from 2006 through 2007 was spent in prayer and I did not have a spiritual director at that time. I was in contact with a few different religious orders: Mission San Jose Dominicans, Daughters of Charity and School Sisters of Notre Dame. I liked different things about each one, but I soon recognized an undercurrent of apprehension: were those convents the right place? What did they think of me? Would I fit in? Why don't they practice their traditional charism? why the denuded chapels? why do they have to schedule in community time or prayer time together? why this and why that? When I stepped foot into the SMME motherhouse that Friday evening none of those previously ever-present questions arose in my mind. I was completely focused on God and on just enjoying myself during the retreat. I felt this sense of peace within myself, that I no longer had to search and question and research; no more comparison and contrast with my beliefs and practices with that of the religious community. I felt that it was over - which is why I so readily asked for papers Saturday morning before that evening's Eucharistic Adoration - I had already asked Jesus Friday night where He wanted me. He gave me the answers one after the other. The whole weekend God was saying "Yes, this is the place" in all those special ways He does in our own understanding of Scripture, prayer, music, people, etc. Lastly, as I was leaving Sunday to go home, I tried to see myself at the SMMEs just as I had tried with the MSJ Dominicans, the DCs, and SNDs; never had pictured myself that way before, so fully.

I'm very attracted to the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist way of life and community for reasons that echo the above. In the years since my Confirmation I have had to re-teach myself the mechanisms of the Catholic Church. I've had to learn about charisms, evangelical counsels, virtues of the flesh and theology. Few religious orders and communities actually practice a vow of obedience and poverty as I have seen in the SMMEs. There is a true sense of community: in the Eucharist and prayer life, in your daily life, and your interaction with each other. The vows and community life are faithfully lived out - sacrifice is not questioned, it's expected. I'll never forget the visit I made to convent here in Los Angeles and I was asked "Why should you have to sacrifice XYZ?" I don't have to sacrifice. I could enter a religious community that would permit me to own things - but then I'm not really, fully loving God, am I? Isn't that Who this is all about? God invites us, we say "yes," and I'm only supposed to give up what I think I can manage? No. I'm reminded of the verse in Revelations that describes what type of service and love God enjoys -- either be hot or cold, but not lukewarm. The Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist are definitely filled with love and passion for God and interested in doing His service and His will. Oh, and you're faithful to the Magisterium.