Last night as I was reading up on the validity and reliability of polygraph tests online for my forensic psychology lecture later this morning, I was looking at some of the articles listed at crosswalk.com. I came upon one that spoke of God breaking us so that we can get past our pride or other hurdles that we would not otherwise cross to get closer to God. That made me think, and while it may sound odd, I have to say that I am in the end grateful for the cult. If I had not joined the cult, and subsequently left it, I would not be here. Not only would I not believe in the Truth of God, but I have not the slightest idea as to where I would be physically. I could be at SC or I could be at the "Bible" school. The possibilities are endless.

However, I chose to listen to Priscilla's (who is associated with University Bible Fellowship, which may be of questionable status) email. I left the cult and the ensuing months broke me over and over again. Looking back on it now, I think it was necessary for me to be broken to that extent, to be so completely crushed as to turn away from God. I was proud. I was really proud. I remember while in the cult I was doing some Bible study with some members, and they were talking about how we are all sinners. They went on talking freely allowing themselves to say they sin. I couldn't, and wouldn't say that I sinned. I was too good to be considered a sinner. That is why, when I first began to believe August 8th that I wrote on my Xanga that I was a sinner. It was such a milestone for me.

Again this morning, I heard a broadcast on the same station that does Focus on the Family, and I listen to it many mornings during my commute. This morning I left my car in the Parking Center thinking that there is no better way to start your morning than to be reminded that you are a sinner. During the speech the pastor spoke of how we can't escape temptation, how we are born in sin to be sin because Satan has control over the Earth; until we are born again into the Light. At which point I am reminded of my thought last night of how if each Christian on earth held a lit candle, that is a lot of light. But I glanced upward and told God that I want there to be more Light in the World for Him.

I find it troubling that there are a great many of us, of the Children of Light, and yet how oppressive and stifling the Dark feels. For even if there is just one person of darkness stands amid the Light, it's like you can feel it telling you to be quiet. The pastor on the broadcast said that when you are born to be sin, you are Darkness, and you belong to Darkness. I like being in the Light. I like knowing that I am in the Light. I like knowing that one day, I'll be with the Light forever and the Darkness will vanish.