True Musings

I'm trying not to make this post achingly similar to Xanga, as that is basically my venting and brain vomit web page; all my life is on that page. But recently my life has been consumed with two foci: God and school.

God
It feels like I am in a relationship -- mainly because I am. But there are those mornings that all starts out well, and then parents get in your way. Hopefully some of you can reach back into your young adulthood memory banks and find some inkling. I have been unofficially wearing the brown scapular this week, because I found it hidden in my dresser about a year ago. I've been wearing it and my clothes hide it well because I heave modest necklines and clothing overall. My mom picks at it, when it looked like a bra strap, this morning over the kitchen counter. Who in thier right mind think it is okay to pick at people's clothing? So I love my relationship with God, especially when I can look at the Crucifix on my wall and harshly (and yet still lovingly) whisper to Him "I can't stand them: I can't go to Mass, I get harrassed for the Rosay, the Bible, and the Scapular! I can't love you when I'm bound!" It was momentary frustration, but I am alright with it. I'd rather have frustrations with God, showing that my relationship is growing than to have it stagnate.

Don't I have enough with my relationship with God? Therefore I almost don't want to think about Sr. Marianne who suggested that I date and develop a male - boyfriend relationship to make sure that I am not using the "sisterhood" to escape one thing or another. I love my relationship with God, but I want it to be so much better.

Recently I had doubts about discernment and if I was on the right path, but I have been thinking since monday night that if I was not meant to follow God in some capacity of self-sacrifice, then all the discernment meetings would not work out perfectly each time (since I have a Research Assistant-ship meeting at the same time). Does that make sense: if I am meant to go attend these discernment meetings everything would perfectly fall into place; if they weren't God would hedge me in somehow?

School
Well I am busy with my research assistant-ship, and I am trying to study for the GREs. Someone must have forgotten to send me the memo sayingthat my parents have the authority to tell thier 22 year old daughter she can no longer attend Mass on Sundays, and instead be sequestered to her room for GRE prep. The GREs are important, but not so that they usurp my time with God. Therefore, I've been praying rosaries, writing about religion and God (i.e., this post and others), wearing the scapular, reading the Bible more, etc. The issue has always been between my parents and I is a difference in priorities. They favor education and a comfortable lifestyle. I want God, a less cluttered lifestyle, and to do what I love - which is psychology. So I've been looking at my mess of options and confusion.

Yesterday in class we were discussing how to figure out how to combine our study areas with our passions, so I realized that I could do a lot with psychology and Catholicism/religion: apologetics, pastoral counseling, Christian/Catholic counseling, teaching, etc. I just don't know if I can tell a shut door from an open one at this moment.

When the Lord is a priority in your life, He pervades in every aspect of it from school, study, driving, language, etc.