Often the most upsetting or difficult issue for me to adjust to in the discernment and vocation process is that of my family. I spent 2.5 hours last night phoning discerners in the LA archdiocese for the upcoming 7-11 Ministry Day. It was work, I left a lot of phone messages, and got hung up on. However, in the end ... I had fun. I enjoyed doing it and being helpful.
It made me happy.
I went home, and had to leave my happiness and smile in the car. I could not go home and tell my parents what a wonderful time I had phoning people, convincing them to attend, giving them alternate options to their (supposed) obligations, and such. I thought it was funny how Sister Kathy said that I should call the men, because they're more likely to respond to a female caller than a male. Apparently the seminarian did not have much luck earlier in the day. I didn't either, but I had fun. I also had cranberry-apple flavored tea.
Or how I spent 3.5 hours on Sunday morning with Opus Dei during their day of recollection and I also had fun with that and could not go home and tell my parents about it.
I have noticed that I do not talk about a vocation as a "what if..." or as a "maybe", but as a reality that will happen upon graduation from graduate school. I have said yes to Christ in my heart, and it is now just a matter of finding the right order. I am looking at orders in educational settings whether a grade school or a college because that is where my degrees lead me, and also orders that wear habits. I want to be that candlestick sitting in the window, and not under the bushel basket.
It's just that not being able to share this journey with my family tears at me; somehow this makes leaving them behind harder.
1 comment:
I know how you feel on this. I can't bring myself to even tell my mother half of the religious activities I partake in and get great joy out of (but that's facilitated by going to school 1.5k miles away).
I too am looking at orders that have education apostolates; this is because I feel called to teach. I also want an order that still wears a habit. It doesn't have to be a very traditional habit with a scapular and everything, but please let me wear a veil.
If you feel so strongly about your call to religious life, why are you putting it off until after you go to graduate school? I am not sure that I want to wait to finish graduate school. (I have about 3 years left.)
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