Wednesday was not fun. I scared myself, and a few other people to boot.  I'd rather have people scared than unresponsive; it means someone cares.


I spent the majority of the day at school trying to read and study for an exam.  Although I brought a bunch of snacks with me, the only thing I made use of all day and into the evening was a bottle of water.  Of course with cooler weather and the time change, and not eating all day long, I was pretty freaking cold by the time I had to take the exam for my evening course.


I had one friend chatting with me via email.  Seems odd to me that I still manage to sound philosophical when on a scale of -10 to 10, I rated myself on a -5. 

• "if i could cut out the part of me that is bad, i'd do it
  i wish i could cut the pain away"
• "why does this take so much effort? why aren't we aware of the effort to live on a daily basis?"

It's the second one that strikes me.  Every day, we get up, dressed, eat, and go to work or school.  We do many different things throughout the day, interact with so many different people who seem to be functioning just like ourselves.  But when you're day isn't going right, or week, or month or year, or decade, &c it takes so much effort and energy to do the slightest thing. 
 
 Why are we not aware of the energy and stamina required on a daily basis?  What blocks our perception? What causes us to take it for granted? How did we get to this point in the first place? Could we become aware of it in a healthy manner?  How could this be used?