Wednesday, August 9, 2006

When I joined up with Vision Guide to help me get an inkling of the different women religious communities available, I couldn't imagine how many responses I would get. I have some ideas now that I do not want the cloistered life, although I do respect the isolation these women live in. However, I cannot ignore the nagging sense of the candle under the bushel basket that I get with thinking of such a life for myself. I spend a lot of my time now in prayer, and am doing a daily Bible reading of each Chapter in Judith. I thought it would be fitting for me to read of the various women of the Bible, so I can see more clearly the qualties and characteristics that faith in God fosters in each woman. It gave way to my prayers last night as I finished the fourth chapter of Judith, having read about how the Jews in the mountain passes and Jerusalem fortified everything and then every citizen and slave cried out unto God. It wasn't until after my prayer that I realized it was August 8th, such a year, what a happy year! It was difficult, but I love loving God.

You know you spend a lot of time dwelling on something when you start dreaming about it. Two nights ago, it was of a modern women religious community, but not a cloistered one; that much I know. Then last night it was a dream of pioneer women working on a farm, without a man in sight - some form of woman community, but I don't recall if it was religious.

Prayer last night was beautiful. I wanted to run outside and stand in the cool air, surrounded and washed pale by the moonlight. I could see the moonlight reflecting off of the roofs, but not the moon itself. I had, and was, content with my bedroom window though and it was sometime before midnight. I'm trying to get up early in the mornings to have some private prayer time with God, but so far I've only been able to rouse myself enough to turn off the alarm. One of these mornings thought, my internal clock will wake me before the alarm, and I'll be alert enough to pray then. It has only been 2 days. Perhaps I'm a little hard on myself, but how else to foster determination?