Thursday, November 15, 2007


I'm focused on the eternal, the infinite, but the world I'm in is only concerned with the temporal.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Discernment Creates Longing for God

Since last Friday evening, all that I have been able to tell within myself is a really deep longing to enter the convent, or cloister, I don't know which. I don't have the sense that I should be joining in the near future but right now.

I want to cry out of sheer frustration. All I can say is that right now I want God alone and nothing else, yet I'm stuck in the world. I am beholden to loans, school, internships, parents, siblings, papers, and other class assignments. In the meantime all I want to do is read about the Church history, the desert Fathers, Merton, and many of the Saints. I want to pray. I want to sit alone with God.

I want to be rid of all my things, all the junk and clutter in my life. I want to be rid of so many of my possessions; I don't even care about the quilting! Throw it all in the trash or walk away from it all.

I don't want to be part of this secular world any more. Not that I'm a member of it, but I don't want to dwell in it any longer.