Thursday, February 14, 2008

Joined to God Through Pain

Never before have I ever actually chosen to spiritually suffer through Lent. Typically, I choose a new practice like Adoration last year, in hopes of establishing something new into my prayer life. This year, however I have noticed that my fasting from listening to music of any form in hopes for the end to abortion, is plunging me into what I can only hope to explain as joining God in the pain.

Abortion, it's so cold, lonely, and empty. It is a practice that purposefully and directly seeks to end life without a single hestitation or consideration of what God would desire. It is entirely selfish to commit abortion for the sake of financial security, convenience, and so forth. If a thought is given to the child or to God, it is hastily brushed away.

The pain garnered from the merest thought of abortion is not so easily brushed away. It tears at the soul. It's not a physical pain. It is not a pain where I feel abandoned by God, rather I know that He's suffering right next to me as I contemplate the meanings and implications and actions of abortion. He knows my pain, and in a small way, I know His.

It is like I am spending time with Him on this matter even if I am not fully aware of His Presence; there's a veil, and only during Mass and the Consecration is it fully lifted. Then and only then am I able to have a sense of Peace. It's not like other sensations of God's peace that I have experienced. It is not warming. It is not clarifying. It is subtle.

While I remember the Resurrection, I am more earnestly reminded of the Agony in the Garden.

Evening Prayer Hymn from the Office for the Dead

For all the saints who from their labors rest,
Who thee by faith before the world confessed,
Thy name, O Jesus, be for ever blest:
Alleluia, alleluia!

Thou wast their rock, their fortress and their might;
Thou, Lord, their captain in the well-fought fight;
Thou in the darkness drear their one true light:
Alleluia, alleluia!

O blest communion, fellowship divine!
We feebly struggle, they in glory shine;
Yet all are one in thee, for all are thine:
Alleluia, alleluia!

But, lo, there breaks a yet more glorious day;
The saints triumphant rise in bright array:
The King of glory passes on his way:
Alleluia, alleluia.