Thursday, August 31, 2006

Jesus said to the disciples, "Keep awake therefore, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming. But understand this: that if the owner of the house had known in what part of the night the thief was coming, he would have stayed awake and would not have let his house be broken into. Therefore, you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an unexpected hour." Matthew 24:42-44 Retrieved from Here.

Of course at the forefront of my mind after I've read this several times is Tuesday's episodes, and all I keep in my mind is that I knew it was coming, and yet still wasn't quite prepared for it. Oh, I recovered enough to take authority over it, but I didn't do so forcefully enough during the first episode to prevent the other three from occuring? Or that I didn't take enough time during my evening prayers to ask for protection from things I knew were going to occur at some point. I slacked off on things I knew were going to occur, what kind of watchman does that make me into for something as uncertain as the coming of my Lord?

Monday, August 28, 2006

I have been tinkning of various ways to break my discernment process to my parents. Some of my thoughts flit to Boundless.org which counsels and advises inter-/non- denominational Christians on how to live purely in God while being away at the office or colleges. Some of the advice is about how to "get" a husband, and I have thought of how one such article might be applicable to informing family members of my discernment of entering a vocation. Other thoughts switch to a website that I was reading last week about a Sister who left her mother's apartment one day leaving everything and a note behind. The note informed her mother that by the time the letter is read the Sister would have entered a convent, because the mother herself was against such a religious life although she somewhat believed in God.

I would hate to have to do that. I want so much for myself to be supported in my search and discernment of a vocation, but know that is not a reality. In fact, I could easily do as that Sister had done, but first I would like to move out of my home to do so. But how would it affect everyone (i.e., Mom, Dad, my sister, and Gramma)? I know that regardless of how I would execute leaving for a convent, I will lose the support of my family. It is not a question of "if" but "when."

Enough melancholy ideas for now though. Other things are brewing, such as my prayer life. Last night during my evening prayers I felt Christ's Prescence in my room. It wasn't anything spectacular, just a realization that Someone was there in the room with me spiritually. I "dared" to stand in His prescence, rising from my prayerful position to make a request of Him. I feel that I now know that when I meet Him once I pass, that I will not back away from Him, as has often been my fear in the last few months, as I felt unworthy. But now I know that I will be so bold as to stand.