Some good comments, some good questions.
Heard from God two days ago. He simply showed me to read Isaiah 51. I've perused it. Will probably look at it in depth again.
I'm somewhat apathetic right now because I'm unemployed and can't find too much in my field; useless without a license and at least a M.A. / M. S. degree.
~*~
Questions arose in comments as to why I was going to Opus Dei meetings but not speaking to anyone there. Firstly, I've got to know someone there otherwise I wouldn't know when meetings and recollections are. I know a numerary (right term?), one of those celibate members, and I know her from OD first, and University second; she works at the university and I attended it.
Why don't I have a spiritual director? I began discernment late last July, and when school started I honestly thought I was smart enough to land myself a spot as a graduate student in a psychology PhD program. That bottomed out in April this spring as I got several rejections. I thought that if spiritual directors were "life coaches" for one's soul, there was little point in finding one in September when I might have to pull up roots and go to the PhD program in Davis or Riverside or Santa Barabra. Sisters and others that I talked to seemed to agree; the LA Archdiocese women's vocation director seemed to as well.
I still don't know where I am going for grad school as I have an application pending still and will not hear from them for at least another month; know, however, that I have tentatively accepted a state school for a M.A. program in psychology.
That's why I don't have spiritual director.
Why do you enjoy participating in Opus Dei activities? I enjoy most Catholic activities, if they are filled with faith and a deep reverence and belief that Christ actually exists; the kind of faith that admits there is a Purgatory, a Heaven, and Hell. So, why do I like this kind of faith, and the life of Opus Dei members, probably because the nature of Christ's and St. Josemaria's teachings ask that they actually live it out. That it's a part of who they are and its not swept under the rug when company comes over. Faith, as I've seen it in OD and in the religious life, is not a trifling matter. Maybe I've seen and lived with those who take faith as a trifling matter too long.
Is that enjoyment possibly a sign that God is leading you in that direction? Sure, anything's possible. I don't believe in concoidences.
If you are participating in their activities, why haven't you talked with an Opus Dei priest or numerary? I have through confession. I have talked with other priests (not OD) and vocation directresses and such many times over. Some express doubt, others don't say much at all.
Is the fact that you haven't talked to one a sign that God is not leading you in that direction? or you just did not think of having an Opus Dei spiritual director and are thinking of it still? I'm waiting for my academic life to come into focus. What is the point of having a spiritual director in Los Angeles if I'm down in Long Beach, or vice versa? I have to wait for the dust to settle before making a decision. Indecision is my companion.
4 comments:
The discernment process is more difficult without a spiritual director.
Perhaps you should reconsider having a priest of Opus Dei or a lay member of Opus Dei as a spiritual director? If you are far from Los Angeles, you may want to inquire if there's someone who lives near where you are whom you can talk to. That's the most obvious direction if you are considering a vocation to Opus Dei.
As you are also considering a religious vocation, talking to a vocation directress and joining search-ins may be another option.
Another option is going regularly to your own parish priest not only for confession but also for spiritual direction.
"A Director. You need one. So that you can give yourself to God, and give yourself fully..., by obedience. A Director who understands your apostolate, who knows what God wants, who can effectively second the work of the Holy Spirit in your soul, without taking you from your place, filling you with peace, and teaching you how to make your work fruitful."
-St. Josemaria Escriva-
(The Way no.62)
Thanks for replying!
I think you are moving in the right direction. Just make sure you examine the pyschology program you are getting into. Your faith is the most precious thing there is, you know....
Some useful links:
http://www.catholiceducation.org/links/jump.cgi?ID=304
http://www.catholiceducation.org/links/search.cgi?query=psychology&submit.x=0&submit.y=0
Additional comments:
These words of yours ("I don't care about what you want, desire in this life. It's not about you. It's about God.") show a certain dichotomy between faith and life. As a Christian, you have to care about what your mom desires in life. Of course, you might have said this as a way of creating a more objective view of her. But careful: it might lead to indifference. And indifference is the opposite of love -- loving each person as ends in themselves, out of love for God.
I'd like to advise you to still take a spiritual director. There is no such thing as a vacation or a break from sanctity. We all need spiritual guidance and we all need prayers from somebody guiding us, even if he is a spiritual director only for ... a week. But choose properly. Somebody holy or trying to be holy.
I agree with J.A. and Marax.
As an aside, if not talking to a priest is a sign you shouldn't go Opus Dei, then I shouldn't be going Catholic. I wouldn't say it's a sign ti shouldn't happen, just a sign that effort and dedication are required.
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