Rewarded myself with coldstone ice cream for dinner.  Now, before you come after me with pitchforks and torches, I did eat 2 meals today: breakfast & lunch which are very easy for me to ski.  I think that deserves a reward and positive reinforcement.  That's how I got my weight back up in 2005 (think severe weight loss from stress), so it should work again.

Setbacks to eating: getting hungrier, getting headaches

Spent my evening reading TIP 42 "Substance Abuse Treatment For Persons with Co-Occurring Disorders" & looking at photos of nuns and various stages of religious life.

=)

on a daily basis

I'm trying to manipulate myself.  If I eat out or buy food, I see it as a waste to not consume it.  That's how I eat these days, but it gets expensive. Also, I still average 1-2 meals per day.

 

All the fun bodily aches and pains, I don't know who's got lower energy due to pain: myself or my elderly clients. At least they have medication, and all I can say is that mine is due to stress.

 

De-stressing, I don't have the capability to do that right now: run off and go camping or have a retreat (damn delayed paycheck!).  It's affecting my work. =(

Introverted Ideas

I have a few ideas.

• Introverts probably aren't good for therapy since we've done all the analysis; we just need the untangling.  However, we've done so much analysis and it seems to apparent to us, that we're shocked you just don't fully grasp it yet.
• Being friends with an introvert requires one-on-one time.  Seek us out, we won't be seeking you out for dinner or parties, unless it's small and intimate.
• Introverts - for the uneducated blog-reader - are not shy, quiet, or anti-social.  We practice under the idea, that just as you would not show your cards during a game of poker, we don't show our thoughts.  Why give away what you don't deserve the right to see/know?  And why would I show my cards [thoughts] until they've percolated properly?  
• Being found trustworthy by an introvert is like blood-ties.  Our social circle is small, but tight.  Getting in is hard, getting out depends on how quick you are to disrespect our boundaries.
• We recharge out batteries (spiritually, emotionally, socially) in solitude and/or quiet.  Sometimes we need time to just be completely and entirely alone.  This isn't being socially withdrawn, this is natural for us.

02/28/2011 3am edition

You know your back pain is painful when it wakes you up during the night (the past 3 nights).

 

You know that you're not doing well in the food department when you dry heave at 3am.

 

You know that your nightmares and sleep talking are troublesome when you wake up despite being already sleep deprived, and you stroll into work 10 minutes late.

what it takes

to feel better: lots of time sitting alone. Quietly.  Lots and lots of time.  

I spent time alone yesterday and today.  I feel less exhaustion, but everything else remains the same.  Ate one meal today: 2 home made pork tamales, handful of dried blueberries & 2 Lindt chocolates.  Spending what must be the 4th week with the heating pad through the night.  Last night was nasty, I couldn't sleep much at all, and my back was all whacked out.

I'm okay with wherever this is taking me.  I don't have to fight it.